An Acknowledgement

I've been thinking a fair bit lately about what makes a good leader and the qualities that I admire in the leaders around me and this has prompted me to think about my relationship with the person at school who most closely leads me. I think the beauty of his leadership style is that I never feel like I am being told what to do - I feel like I am part of his team and that we work side by side to get work done. He includes me in the decisions being made and values my opinion and input in the projects he is working on. I am able to vent to him, question him, trust him, work with him as well as for him and he makes me feel like what I am doing has a purpose and is important to what is going on within the school in terms of the bigger picture.
At the moment I am excited about school and about the possibilities. At my school it seems like things are always happening and it is his inclusion of me in the new and exciting happenings around school that reaffirms to me that this is the place that I want to be and that all the challenge and innovation I need is right here in the place where I already work.
At the moment I'm just trying to do my bit. I'm trying to be as involved at work as possible and I'm trying to learn as much as possible about the school. This seems to be a time of renewal. New principal, new direction and once again a new beginning. I hope that when the dust settles I am revitalised and ready for whatever comes my way.

Today is my last day of term because tomorrow one of my mates from work is getting married. I'm really excited. When I went to wish him luck yesterday he told me that before I know it it will be me getting married and the thought made me swell up with joy just a little bit on the inside. I can't wait to be married which is very different from my previous experience of being engaged. Another friend from work got engaged too on the weekend so if they get married in the next two years that will make 5 weddings from our school. I think it is the age - there are a lot more of us 'young' ones now (and I am one of the eldest of the young ones which makes me feel a little nanna-ish) and it is that time I guess where you are ready to meet someone and settle down. I guess I just need to enjoy where I am right now and stop wishing that I had everything yesterday!
On to work things - I have started working with our Teaching and Learning AP on a new curriculum model for Year 7. Due to the fact that we recently got funding to knock down an existing 50 year old building and create a new admin wing and Year 7 centre we are busily planning the sort of curriculum changes that might befit such a new building that has all the resources that Year 7 have previously had no access to. Building is due to start over this year's Christmas holidays and finish before the end of next Year so there is no time to lose. This is the part that I love - starting with a blank slate and imagining the possibilities. Thinking about all those things that you never thought were an option and that suddenly are now possible and working out how you can produce the best learning outcome for the Year 7s.
I am only taking home with me tonight a folder of Year 12 SACs ( a couple of hours work) and general planning for my three classes as well as this Year 7 stuff. I also have some long-term projects like the BYTES website that I would like to tidy up and get happening once and for all. I will use the holidays to get myself up to date and then start with a clean slate. Hopefully my housemate isn't home too much over the holidays or I might have to find myself somewhere else to be in order to escape. We don't have internet anymore either since he decided to stop paying the bill so I have to do something about getting some form of internet so that I don't have to drive to my mum's (30 mins away) just to use the internet. I will go crazy if I can't check my email! Anyway - here's to another long term (damn the people who set the term dates for vic) and to another new beginning next term.

Pressure

Lately I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself. In every way. Pressure at work to be involved in as much as I possibly can be. Pressure at home to save for the wedding with a ridiculous budget that takes most of the fun out of living. Pressure to work out whether we should go overseas for our honeymoon or put that money towards a home so we can get into the property market sooner (in the hope that we can actually afford something more than a one bedroom hovel somewhere). Sometimes when I really think about the future and about where I want to be the future seems pretty bleak. That is the way it is for people of my generation. We are faced with soaring house prices, hecs debts and years of study, meeting our partners later in life and it seems the same rules that applied for our parents just don't anymore. I know I need to focus on the positives and I know that once we actually buy something, things will seem a whole lot brighter but at the moment it seems like time is ticking away and we are going nowhere. We are renting from my partner's mother which should be cheaper but works out to be almost as expensive as living somewhere else because of the extra bills and petrol that comes with living so far from work. And until his mum's new house is complete, we are also sharing a rather small house with my partner's cousin, something which I find difficult because I enjoy my own space. I guess sometimes I struggle with control. It seems at the moment like I am not in control of where I am heading and I don't like this feeling at all.
The truth of the situation though is that I am in control. I am the one that is putting pressure on myself to control things that I cannot control and that I should just move on from. I am the one that is wanting everything yesterday. It is hard when you have found the person that you want to be with to be patient while you set up your lives together. I want everything yesterday - the wedding, the house, the family and it seems that something has to give. I don't want to give up on my dreams but perhaps I need to work out what I really value and then prioritise. Perhaps the european trip may need to be put on the back-burner until we have achieved some of our other goals. Whatever the answer I think I need to let go a bit. Stop trying to control the things I can't and stop trying to plan out my entire future. Easier said than done...

relationships

I have been thinking about this post for a while now and have restarted it a couple of times. I want to talk about relationships. I think my cosmic challenge this year is relationships. Someone out there wants me to learn some lessons about dealing effectively with others in difficult circumstances. And I am having some difficult circumstances. As I have mentioned before, life at home involves not only my relationship with my partner (which is more a pleasure than a concern) but my relationship with his cousin, our housemate. When I moved into this house over 11 months ago I thought that it was a short term arrangement. It has turned out not to be at all. I have been paying for storage for all of my stuff for nearly a year and James and I are still sharing a house with someone else which is difficult when we both want our own space. The issue for me is that my partner and his cousin have fallen in to a passive aggressive relationship. They both annoy each other but no-one talks about it and they just ignore it on the surface and then do little things behind the surface to try and make the point. I have moved in and have fallen into the pattern of being annoyed about things but not talking about them because I feel like it is not my place because I moved in to their house and I don't want to feel like I am making anyone uncomfortable. The problem is it is uncomfortable regardless because no-one really says what they are feeling.
I think that there is a lesson I need to learn about this and that is about taking control of the situation and getting things out in the open regardless of how difficult that may be because not talking about things is not working. One of the things that has become an issue is the fact that I do all the housework. If I was being given financial incentive to do all the housework I wouldn't mind so much - pay me and I will work. But the fact is that I spend just as many hours at work as my partner and his cousin and then I do all the cooking (for my parter and I ) and the housework for the entire house. The cousin does not even take the rubbish out, has never once swept the floors and barely even does his own dishes. My partner does his share (but works 6 days a week so has less time to do it in). I have decided that I am going to deal with it once and for all because I am resenting the housework and silently wanting to punch the cousin in the head every time I see him. So I am going to call a meeting of the house and I have drawn up a list of chores that I am going to get them to volunteer for - they can choose what they are happy to do and then somehow I have to hope that they do it so I don't become the nagging mother.

It was something in this leadership course that made me think about relationships. Trin made the comment that relationships are very difficult to repair once they have been damaged because that trust is not there anymore. I think that one of my lessons for this year is about being positive in every situation and in the way that I deal with people, regardless of how tired/overworked/sick/frantic I am. I have had a couple of experiences this year with a couple of people at work, one who I felt betrayed me in a professional sense and another who has always been an issue to deal with (this person doesn't like me and don't even make an effort to be civil) and these have led me to realise that it is important to always be open and honest in your relationships at work and to value them and to endeavour to make every interaction with people a positive one. This is really hard to do when you are working to a deadline and suddenly everyone wants to come and see you and chat to you for no particular reason. It is hard to do when the person you share an office with and the person who has interloped their way into spending a vast majority of their time in your office have no work to do and proceed to talk crap whilst you are trying to work.
I just think that I have been internalising things way too much this year. I have been focussing on the things that I have no control of and not changing the things that I can control. I have been focussing on the negative and not turning these things into positives. I have been playing the martyr when I should be playing the problem solver. I am sick of being a whinger. I am sick of not taking control of the things that I can. I am going to endeavour to change that. It is going to take concious effort but it is also going to take looking at things a different way. Being more patient and thinking about things with my problem solving hat on, not my venting hat. I am hoping that this will bring more positive outcomes.

Goal Setting and the Master Mind Partnership

As part of the follow up to this leadership course we have been given partners (or in my case two partners) to help us in accomplishing our goals visions and intentions. They do this through weekly meetings, support, questioning and clarifying of goals and ensuring that ultimately we win. It is a reciprocal relationship and I am just as responsible for my partner's successes and failures as I am for my own.


This brings me to goal setting. There were some ideas that stuck out to me from the two day meetings that I want to record here in order to help me clarify what I would like to achieve.

In order to effect change in your workplace and in your staff you can't take people too far out of their comfort zone at once - rather you have to gradually stretch their comfort zone so that they don't even realise you have taken them out of it.

• The way we listen delivers a message - what message do I want to be delivering?
• 4 leadership qualities: Flexibilty, Adaptability, Creativity, Innovativeness.
• Quantam leaps are based on a firm foundation of the fundamentals.
• It is impossible to lead without a philosophy of leadership
• You win some, you lose some - do the best you can with what you have at the time.
• Clarity check your definitions within your team - make sure everyone is on the same page.
• Learn to read the signals from your team-members and use them.
• Prepare and your chance will come.
• Strengthen your own talents and use them to make the team better.
• Credibility builds trust. If you give your word then keep it - or change it responsibly.
• They may not remember what you taught them. They will always remember how you made them feel.
• Don't ever drain your relationships - fill them up.
• Observe the energy in the room - Did you raise or lower the energy - are you giving or taking?
• Teach people to go to the source and talk about it. Open communication is important.

These are just a few of the things that I thought were important to record and revisit from time to time, however there were a couple that stood out to me - things that resonated with me because they are things that I feel are shortcomings in my own leadership and it is these that will inform where I go from here.

I guess these three below are my long-term leadership goals. The ones that I am going to try and keep in mind as I work day in and day out:

• Listen to understand - really listen to the people around you, particularly when people are coming to you for advice or leadership and don't listen from a place of judgement - listen to really understand where they are coming from.
• Credibility builds trust. If you give your word then keep it - or change it responsibly. Follow through on all the things you say you are going to do - or be careful before you promise something if you don't think it is something you can achieve.
• Following on from this, this includes for me following through on all the little things that I am responsible for. I need to make sure that I go back and cross every t and dot every i because too often I fear that I lose those tiny details at the end of one task in the beginning of the next task. I focus my attention too often on the next deadline and don't stop and refocus and work out what needs to be finished off and tied up. I don't want the forgetting of a few minor details to detract from the bigger picture of the work I am doing.

The following are the things I want to achieve before the end of next week:

• Organising the Year 8 Chant-off day down to the last detail.
• Completing the BYTES website.
• Organising Guest speakers for BYTES.
• Set up a lunchtime BYTES discussion group to organise the next unit.
• Follow up Cyber Safety.
• Meet with BYTES team leaders to touch base and organise next unit.

Not sure if this is what I should be doing but I think these are the things I need to do to get myself on an even playing field. Then I can think more proactively. Tonight I will meet with Imelda and Julie and we will discuss!

Another new Beginning

I think I have discovered in myself a new beginning. For two days this week I attended a leadership course for women. It is a three day course, with the third day in August and between now and then we have homework to do.

I think I sought out this leadership course for both a concious and an unconcious reason. Conciously: I have been running a team at school now for 2 1/2 Years and I have never had any formal leadership training to help me develop my skills. I am also hoping to continue taking on more responsibility within the school and this year, running all the Junior school (7-9) curriculum programs has certainly left me busier than I have ever been before, and dealing with more people than ever before. I believe in constantly learning and improving and I think I certainly have a long way to go in developing and working on my leadership skills.

It was not until the second day of the course though that I started to really clarify why I had subconciously sought out leadership training. I think that this last year or so I have been searching. I have been feeling lost at school, not sure what the future holds for me and unsure how to deal with the uncertainty (I really don't deal well with uncertainty). When you don't know where your career is headed it makes it really difficult to set goals and to imagine yourself achieving them. I have been loving my job; don't get me wrong - to be challenged everyday is a satisfying thing to me and I feel that the more I am challenged the more I strive to achieve. The only problem is that I have been feeling that perhaps some of the things I am doing and the skills that I feel I have to offer are going unnoticed. Or not even that they are not noticed, but that they are not acknowledged.

Part of this course asks us to create our own philosophy of leadership. Kind of a mission statement to live by I guess and in brainstorming this idea, I started with what I think people deserve or expect from a leader.
This is what I came up with:

• compassion
• understanding
• to be heard
• to be trusted and to trust
• to be valued
• to be proud of their achievements
• to be treated with respect

Through discussion with others in the group I clarified and added that people want to be acknowledged and affirmed in their roles.

I realised that in making this list I had thought back to my first year of teaching and remembered the influence that one of my AP's had on me. The support, encouragement and affirmation that I got from this person was one of the fundamental building blocks of my confidence as a teacher. Having someone who celebrated my successes, gave me confidence to take on more and encouraged me to challenge myself further.

What is also obvious to me is what a difference it makes to someone when the support that they once had is no longer there. Not that I think this person has decided they no longer like me and no longer want to encourage me, but in taking on more responsibility themselves, this person has less time to spend reaffirming me and letting me know that I am doing a good job and that I am on the right track and this has left me a little bereft. The problem for me is that this person is the one who I answer to, the one who is in charge and without that reassurance from them that I am doing a good job and that I am appreciated I become concerned that I am just floating along and going no-where and that the things I am working towards don't necessarily have a place in the school's vision.

Understanding my own need for validation and affirmation has made me realise an important lesson in my own leadership. Constantly tell your staff that you appreciate what they are doing and celebrate the things they do well. Ensure your team has a vision and that everyone knows their role in the team to bring about change and thus ensure that everyone is on the same page and working towards the same goal. I don't see myself as an insecure person (in fact sometimes I think I am a little too sure of myself) but I think that all it would take for me to have a bit more confidence that I am in the right place and that I am doing a good job would be to hear it.

A time of renewal and revitalisation

This year has been an interesting one for me already. For the first time since my first year of teaching I have wondered once or twice whether or not I have bitten off more than I can chew. I have the same classes as last year (minus some BYTES periods) and I have taken on the organisation of two other programs. This leaves me in charge of the programs from Year 7-9 and has given me the opportunity to execute organisation on a scale not seen by me before! I decided that since I will be getting married next year and might need some time off for a honeymoon, that this year I would cram it choccas with extra responsibilities. So add to my 7-9 programs my membership on Curriculum Committee, Managment Committee and School Council as well as involvement in our Building Futures bid, and leadership restructure and you can see that I am a girl that spends very little time at home. So little in fact that I actually missed the VCE formal (I have been to every one since I started teaching) because I wanted to have one night in two weeks where I was home before 9.30.
Having said that, I feel that despite the stress and the new challenges that are coming with this year, there are great personal rewards. I am enjoying the new challenge (although it sometimes makes it hard to go to sleep at night) and I am enjoying the number of new skills I am learning this year. I am loving the people I am working with and the feeling that I am making a difference. I am enjoying the feeling of renewal as the school welcomes it's former AP as Principal and some long over-due changes are made. I like the feeling that the school is looking towards the future, and not just concerned with maintenance. I like being a part of this.
A recent PD on wellbeing allowed me to make a change in my diet and a new gym membership has seen me take some time out from my schedule for myself - to ensure that I am happy and healthy and feel good about myself. I was hoping to get rid of my pot belly in time for the wedding and I am now well on the way! This year has also made me realise the importance of having this time to myself and looking after myself. When work is taking up the majority of your time and your headspace you need to make sure that you are at least attempting a balanced lifestyle.
I have also started a new organisational regime that may sound somewhat like a cult but involves an almost sickening affection for my newly acquired brother p-touch labeller. I am organising myself in a way that I have not before - with the help of the aforementioned labeller and many a manilla folder. Now I just need a filing drawer in my new office and I will be the most organised I have ever been in my life. It is a great feeling to take control - especially when there is so much going on that a small break in the chaos allows you to get back on your feet again. I am looking forward to the holidays. Partly because i will be able to rest and regroup but mainly because it will give me an opportunity to get my head above water and get myself up to date with all of my work without people giving me more work to do. Regardless of what happens I am enjoying the new opportunities and I feel like this year, like all that have come before it so far, will be bigger and better than the last.