Monday, January 10, 2005

That Demon Doubt again

Here's the deal. Today I went and spent some time with the person that I am teaching history with this year to get a few things organised. I left feeling exhausted, and that there wasn't enough hours left in the holidays for me to get my head around all the stuff I still need to do. I feel as though I haven't really had a holiday as it is (although I have done a lot of catching up with friends and that has been really good) and that time is just ticking away from me. I am sure that I will feel better in the morning but this blog thing is supposed to be recording how i am feeling and what I am thinking so I guess even the bad has to be talked through as well.
Don't get me wrong, the woman that I am teaching history with is lovely and she knows her stuff but we are very different and I think that our teaching styles are very different. She has also never taught history with anyone else so I think that she is looking forward to having someone else to run ideas by and to work on things with, but in a way I felt like she also wanted to do everything together, and I had to keep impressing on her the point that we can teach the content differently as long as we are teaching the same content and doing the same SACs. I feel like I am about to embark a battle when really all I want to do is do my own thing. I am not sure of anything yet really in terms of how I am going to approach things, but this woman has a few years of teaching the subject behind her, and fairly ingrained ideas and predispositions about how she teaches it. Some of the things she is talking about arent even in the study guide as things that we are supposed to teach, and so then I question whether I really know enough to be doing this.
I think I need to talk to S (the guy that I am taking over from) and find out what he thinks about a few things and how he has done things. He has a proven track record in terms of both inspriring the students and achieving great results with them so i would like to base my approach and content on what he does. In the meantime I guess I just have to have faith in myself and my ability and keep doing things the way that I think and that works for me.
One of my main concerns though is that I just do not know the content well enough. I know that will come in time but I feel that these kids dont have time and that i should know everything for them now.
I guess I am just having a momentary freakout and I am probably entitled to one!
Again though, sitting here isnt getting the job done so I might get back to it and email S at the same time and organise to catch up. I am sure he will put my mind at ease...