Day One and not a student in sight...

So today was the first day back at school and the fun and games have started already. I guess that I hadn’t really thought about how last minute a lot of this BYTES stuff is. We are only a week away from beginning to teach the modules and they haven’t really been finished yet – ie – we don’t really know what we are even teaching yet and it is my responsibility to get two of them up and running and then to teach them too. In some ways they cant be fleshed out too much because the whole idea is that they are largely student driven, but if we have an objective for the students then it is important that they reach that objective and we have to work out how to get them to the end goal without chalk and talking or making it boring. They somehow have to gain all the information and knowledge that they will need to complete the end task and produce the final product, the challenge comes in how to get them to the point where they can do this, without bombarding them with information.
So my life at the moment is fairly hectic. We didn’t even have classes today – just meetings and I can already see how much work there is to be done for this BYTES job as well as the preparation for my other subjects. At least I have done my first couple of weeks of planning for most subjects. I think that I will just have to really organise my time this year and keep motivated. It is easy to have good intentions at this time of the year though – the challenge is in keeping them.

Back to the grind but maybe with a new attitude...

Just completed my third day back at school (an 8 hour day today) and school does not even start till next Monday? Am I insane you ask? No (or maybe that is a subjective question and I am not equipped to answer it) but I do have a lot of work to do before Monday, and I am going away tonight until Friday so I effectively have only two days left to sort out the mire that is my lesson plans! The BYTES thing is coming along nicely these last couple of days. We have sorted out staffing and student groupings, have mocked up a timetable for staff and students and are working out what we will be telling the Year 9's about the program when they return to school so that hopefully they will have an idea of what is going on. Wish the same could be said for the staff... The nature of this beast that is student centered learning is that the modules that we have formulated for the MERC involve students being guided by staff, but largely formulating and working on their own projects within the module's topic. This means that there is some serious "thinking on your feet" involved in teaching within this program which as well as being exhilarating is also quite daunting for many. It has to be our enthusiasm and ability to help and encourage that will determine largely how the students respond to the modules and activities so the onus is on us to be on our game. I wonder how that will sit with some people. I just hope that it all happens and that there are no major hitches. It might be a good thing that that Year 12's are on camp for the first three days that the program is running because it means i will have extra time to deal with the potential muck hitting the fan. Should be an interesting return to school. In other news I am getting fairly organised with Year 12 History which is exciting me. Year 12 English still requires some serious work and guidance from my KLA Manager as well as a more concerted effort from me as does the first text for Year 11 English that I havent really planned yet. When all of this is supposed to happen I do not know. Maybe the weekend or on the beach in Inverloch tomorrow or Friday. I am actually feeling quite motivated and inspired at the moment. I feel quite organised in terms of how I am structuring my planning and my work load so now I just have to hope that my energy levels hold up in the first week to see me through. As usual and despite every best intention on my behalf I have fallen into bad habits again like staying up until 12 or 1 every night and sleeping in until 8 or 9. This means that returning to getting up at 6 next week will be a severe strain. Normally by day three of the new term I am ready for a holiday again. Most years day three of term is a Friday so we do get a break, but not so this year. Anyway, on that chirpy note, I think that I should get the hell out of here and actually have a break!

Another new beginning.

The beauty of life is that there are constantly new beginnings - no one action determines how the rest of your life will proceed, and things are always changing. That idea used to scare me I guess, but now I gain encouragement from it. So this year is another new beginning. A new year at school, a new housemate (my sister moved in two days ago), a new subject to teach (year 12 English) and a new position in the MERC (BYTES Co-ordinator). This year will be exciting, but extremely hard work - I can see that already. I have my old favourites (Year 12 history and Year 11 English) but even within those old and trusty subjects there will be new challenges. I guess that new challenges are what make life and work interesting. I came into school today with the intention of continuing to get ready for next year and to a certain extent I am, but I am avoiding working in favour of completing more niggly things. One of those things is this blog. I became very slack over the last few months and failed to blog regularly. This was for a few reasons. 1) My personal life sort of took over my head space in the last few months of last year and so my personal blog was running rampant whilst this one was left to languish. (Sorry - that was unintentional alliteration!). 2) There wasn’t too much happening at school that I thought was worthy of being recorded which may just be an excuse to cover up that 3) I think that I was putting other things before blogging through lack of time and lack of motivation.
I don’t make new year’s resolutions however if I did then mine would be to keep this blog updated – at least a couple of times a week. I am hoping that this blog will record this year and the trials and tribulations of my new job. As it is at the moment, I am unsure what my new position even entails and so it will be interesting to see how the year unfolds and how this new MERC works.
Hopefully it will be an interesting journey…

It is that time of the year again. Reports are being written, the whingers are out in full force and life is a bit of good and bad for me. On the one hand, my Year 12’s are finished. They had their exam on Friday and there were no nasty surprises so I am fairly happy that they were well prepared. Some of the students have started emailing me to thank me for the year and that is really nice. It is an amazing feeling to know that you have been able to make a difference even to one student. My Year 11’s have finished too and I actually am really missing my senior classes. You have the benefit of being able to have really close relationships with your senior students and it is always sad to see them go. The fact that all of my senior classes have finished leaves me in the enviable position of having only 2 classes (7 periods a week) of Year 7’s. But this is where some of the bad comes in. As much as I love my Year 7’s and would happily talk to each of them for hours on their own, at the moment, as a class, they are a nightmare. Some of it is due to the fact that the end of the year is in sight for them and all they want to do is be silly and show off and talk, but part of the problem is that in conjunction with their lack of motivation, is my need to finalise their assessment and so each lesson at the moment with them I am fighting a battle to get them working. I feel like I am in a war zone every day and I really don’t like it. Maybe it is their lack of motivation. Maybe it is the fact that the work they are doing is boring. Maybe it is the fact that I don’t have the senior classes to balance me out and provide the mental stimulation I am used to having. Maybe it is a combination of all of those things, but I really don’t like the fact that the only classes that I am teaching at the moment really aren’t fun at all. The thing that amazes me the most though is that no matter how mean I am to them they all still love me and they all still want to tell me everything about their day and who said what and interrupt important instructions to tell me that my hair looks nice or that they like my necklace. I don’t feel like I deserve their affection at the moment and yet they still give it to me which is really special. By next week though things will get more fun. They have an Ancient History Day tomorrow which should be interesting and then next week we will work on some fun, interactive, not-for-assessment activities to liven them up again and finish on a fun note. So in general the year is looking positive at the moment. Work pressures are easing and the social scene is gearing up so I have been able to shift my attention away from school a little bit and more onto my fitness and health, my social life and having fun. After a year that has been so long and so hard in so many ways it is nice to have a change of pace and a change of focus. Looking forward is certainly more fun than looking back…

To teach and what to teach? – That is the question…

It is that time of the year again when I am being asked what I would like to teach next year. To be honest, I have been devoting time to thinking about other things and I am yet to tackle the issue of what I would like to teach. I would certainly like a Year 12 English. I love teaching Year 11 English and would be disappointed to have no Year 11’s at all. Those are the certainties in my mind at the moment. I guess that the major question that I need to answer, for my own benefit and the benefit of the admin staff is whether or not I want to teach Year 12 History next year. History has been hard work this year and it will still be hard work next year because there is so much that I need still to learn. History is such a content based subject that I have spent a lot of this year working on learning the content myself and there is still a long way to go for me in terms of really knowing my content inside and out. So next year, although easier than this year because I know what to expect and I have an idea of the structure and content of the course, will still be hard work because there is so much that I would do differently and still so much for me to learn. The other teacher taking the Year 12 History class is a lot more experienced than me in terms of knowing her content and I feel that perhaps it would be better for the students if she took both classes next year. But I am in two minds. On one hand I feel that History was such hard work this year that it wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t teach it next year. On the other hand I think it would be a shame to waste all of the hard work and effort and planning that I have put in over the year by not building on it next year. In some ways I would love it if the decision was taken out of my hands, but that would be taking the easy way out and I am trying to avoid doing that in my life in general at the moment. So I need to make a decision and as yet are unsure how to go about doing it.
The other uncertainty for me is the new MERC and what sort of a position would be available to me in order to get involved in it. I would love to have some sort of administrative role within the MERC or some sort of position of responsibility that gave me challenges away from the classroom. I was thinking of going back to uni next year to start Honours, but I have decided that it might be better for me in the long term to have next year as a year to myself so that I can take stock of my life and avoid extra pressures on my time. So I am hoping that there will be a position at school that can in some way fill the void left in my life without study. The issue for me is that I am unsure at the moment, as is the administration, of what sort of role would be available in the MERC and so I am unable to make a decision or to know at this stage what the possibilities are for next year. Again the feeling of uncertainty prevails. Such is life in schools though I think…

Thursday 22 September

I’m at school today – in the middle of the school holidays giving a class for my Year 12’s. I wonder sometimes if I am insane. Only 9 out of the 17 turned up and very little constructive work was done by anyone. The students are really struggling to even know where to start to begin their notes and I can see that the majority of the work is going to be done by them at the last minute. I keep trying to remind myself that I can only do so much – I can give them the information, I can give them ideas and strategies as to how to revise, I can give them exam revision questions and offer my time to answer questions, but I cannot force them to do it. If only I could.

So I have reached the end of another term, but I feel that I have been dragging my feet. In the mind of a perfectionist, nothing is ever good enough, and in my mind, the last few weeks of this term have involved me trying to survive, rather than deciding to thrive. Personally, I have come to some liberating conclusions about where I am and the fact that this is exactly where I want to be. I have stopped waiting for my new life to start and have realised that this is my life now and that I am going to go out and live it. I am ready to take the wheel and steer for the first time ever, rather than letting myself be directed by what happens around me. I am writing a lot more than I ever have before and am finding it a way to explore my feelings and learn about myself.
Professionally however, I feel that my current workload is weighing down on me and that it is leaving little time for me to do those things that I am valuing in my life at the moment – spending time with friends, exercising, writing and thinking. I feel that I am not prioritising appropriately. That I am putting the things that I like to do above the things that I should do (teachers guilt bag anyone?). Should I feel guilty for nourishing my private life and neglecting my professional one? Am I even neglecting my professional life by anyone’s standards but my own? In some ways I realise that my private life is what needs nourishing at the moment – it is important that I continue to learn and grow and reflect. This will become easier over the next term as my Year 12’s and Year 11’s finish, and will give me more time to myself. It might also allow me to prepare for next year early which will give me time to relax over the holidays.
I feel a little like I am a contradiction. In some ways I am at a point personally where I have learnt a lot about myself and I am excited and happy to be me at the moment. In another way I am really tired and would just like some time without the pressures of school on my mind and on my time. Just when I feel like I am at the point where I am ready to embrace life again and all that that involves, I find that my motivation for school is at its lowest. Again …maybe the holidays…