relationships

I have been thinking about this post for a while now and have restarted it a couple of times. I want to talk about relationships. I think my cosmic challenge this year is relationships. Someone out there wants me to learn some lessons about dealing effectively with others in difficult circumstances. And I am having some difficult circumstances. As I have mentioned before, life at home involves not only my relationship with my partner (which is more a pleasure than a concern) but my relationship with his cousin, our housemate. When I moved into this house over 11 months ago I thought that it was a short term arrangement. It has turned out not to be at all. I have been paying for storage for all of my stuff for nearly a year and James and I are still sharing a house with someone else which is difficult when we both want our own space. The issue for me is that my partner and his cousin have fallen in to a passive aggressive relationship. They both annoy each other but no-one talks about it and they just ignore it on the surface and then do little things behind the surface to try and make the point. I have moved in and have fallen into the pattern of being annoyed about things but not talking about them because I feel like it is not my place because I moved in to their house and I don't want to feel like I am making anyone uncomfortable. The problem is it is uncomfortable regardless because no-one really says what they are feeling.
I think that there is a lesson I need to learn about this and that is about taking control of the situation and getting things out in the open regardless of how difficult that may be because not talking about things is not working. One of the things that has become an issue is the fact that I do all the housework. If I was being given financial incentive to do all the housework I wouldn't mind so much - pay me and I will work. But the fact is that I spend just as many hours at work as my partner and his cousin and then I do all the cooking (for my parter and I ) and the housework for the entire house. The cousin does not even take the rubbish out, has never once swept the floors and barely even does his own dishes. My partner does his share (but works 6 days a week so has less time to do it in). I have decided that I am going to deal with it once and for all because I am resenting the housework and silently wanting to punch the cousin in the head every time I see him. So I am going to call a meeting of the house and I have drawn up a list of chores that I am going to get them to volunteer for - they can choose what they are happy to do and then somehow I have to hope that they do it so I don't become the nagging mother.

It was something in this leadership course that made me think about relationships. Trin made the comment that relationships are very difficult to repair once they have been damaged because that trust is not there anymore. I think that one of my lessons for this year is about being positive in every situation and in the way that I deal with people, regardless of how tired/overworked/sick/frantic I am. I have had a couple of experiences this year with a couple of people at work, one who I felt betrayed me in a professional sense and another who has always been an issue to deal with (this person doesn't like me and don't even make an effort to be civil) and these have led me to realise that it is important to always be open and honest in your relationships at work and to value them and to endeavour to make every interaction with people a positive one. This is really hard to do when you are working to a deadline and suddenly everyone wants to come and see you and chat to you for no particular reason. It is hard to do when the person you share an office with and the person who has interloped their way into spending a vast majority of their time in your office have no work to do and proceed to talk crap whilst you are trying to work.
I just think that I have been internalising things way too much this year. I have been focussing on the things that I have no control of and not changing the things that I can control. I have been focussing on the negative and not turning these things into positives. I have been playing the martyr when I should be playing the problem solver. I am sick of being a whinger. I am sick of not taking control of the things that I can. I am going to endeavour to change that. It is going to take concious effort but it is also going to take looking at things a different way. Being more patient and thinking about things with my problem solving hat on, not my venting hat. I am hoping that this will bring more positive outcomes.